BlogWood: MT Archives

Piggies perplex slow-witted slumlord

Uh, Ms. Lynch: the cost is actually $200 BILLION, and your child is gonna be paying this bill for a long time. Unless, of course, she is conscripted and killed first. Maybe you should make an effort to “get it.”

She grabbed up apartment buildings and boardinghouses, the ones the banks wouldn't even consider financing. The more burned out, the better. She would buy low, fix them up, rent them and move on to the next. When she ran out of money to buy, she turned backward, pulling the equity out of her earlier properties and plowing it into the next one. ......

She doesn't read about designing; she looks at the pictures.

She has never voted, doesn't plan to, and keeps her mouth shut when the discussion turns to politics.

One day a vehicle fashioned like a piggy bank trailing two piglets drove by. Lynch jumped in her Dodge Ram pickup truck and chased the pig down to Central Avenue and some Iraq war protesters.

"So, I roll down my window and I'm like, "I don't get the pig,' " Lynch recalls. "So she says, "We're wasting $20-million on the Iraq war and it should be spent on our children's education.' And then the guy chirps up and he's like, "You really don't get it?'

"So then the lady goes, "We're against people like you with your big gas-guzzler trucks,' and I said to her, "Well I bet your pig uses way more gas than my truck.' I don't know who these pig people were but she was really mean."

Lynch said people have told her that she has attention deficit disorder, but she has never been diagnosed with it.

I remember her - she’s the one who could not decide if she liked the pigs or not unless we told her whether we were “for” or “against” W. See, she was using this black or white litmus test to determine if she should be amused or offended. She got very confused when we told her we were neutral, that we just didn’t like the war, and apparently she doesn’t understand that driving oneself around in a 12 MPG behemoth of a truck for the sole purpose of moving ones own lazy ass is exactly the kind of shortsighted, wasteful and arrogant behavior that has caused much of the world to turn against us.

Well, since she refuses to be diagnosed, I guess it’s fair game to openly mock her obviously underdeveloped ability to formulate and process an independent thought as well as her complete lack of anything resembling common sense. Or I could just skip the mocking and come right out and say it...